June Is Gone

There was a moment when I thought: of all passing things, this had to the longest, most ruthless and emotionally draining phase in my life.  I just simply could not have predicted the extent of the smoke before my eyes.

June is gone, yes. But the feeling still remains. 

And then along came Ignorance, a beautifully crafted collection of songs, observations and remarks about our own alienation and dissatisfaction with the world, perhaps even our own lives, about the way we hide from reality and why not, the beauty that emerges through it all, no matter how evanescent. It was like a tiny bubble in which I could stick my head in and grasp some fresh air, at least for a while. Tamara Lindeman's voice is surprisingly limited and yet so warm and soothing, like a good friend talking to you. In every single track she effortlessly described the way I'd been feeling about us. How funny, isn't it? - What could be happening to us and what was hurting us inside. That big void in the middle.

It really made me think about reaching out, long for things to get better, lust for you, lead us to that place we deserved to be in. But you were long since gone, out of touch and out of reach. You had quietly ran away through the smoke and I barely even noticed. Well-played, my dear.

And so, the illusion of making it through turned into deceit. June was gone and there was July, sharp like a knife. By August I was dead inside.

I should have paid more attention to Tamara herself when she pointed out that only fools believe this is what songs are for.


Heart
I don't have the heart to conceal my love
When I know it is the best of me
If I should offend you
I will show myself out
You can bury me in doubt
If you need to
I can walk out in the street
No one need look at me
It is with my eyes I see
I guess that I am soft
But I am also angry
But I will feel all my loss
I will hold my heart inside me
My dumb eyes turn toward beauty
Turn towards sky, renewing
My dumb touch is always reaching
For green, for soft, for yielding
In the pale dim light
I am always reeling
Through long midnights
Of feeling
Of all the many things
That you may ask of me
Don't ask me for indifference
Don't come to me for distance
No, I don't have the heart
To concеal my love
If it is too hard
To look at me
I can show myself out
Walk out in thе city
You can bury me in doubt
If you feel it necessary 

Listen to this song and have a good night

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